The Lord has been revealing some really great and wonderful truths to me and I’ve been able to see them play out in my life lately. 

The things that overwhelm me in my day-to-day  life, well, they haven’t been so overwhelming.   I’ve been able to breathe in freedom and peace, joy even!, through my exhaustion.  I was able to get things done this last week that isn’t practically possible. 

When I go through the day not being anxious about the small things; eternal, supernatural power has become accessable.  To not think about the dishes in the sink, the laundry in the dirty piles  (or clean ones waiting on the couch for that matter), or whether the boys make a mess at what they are doing while my hands are full (keeping in mind their abilities and that the intentions aren’t bad),  or their behavior is obnoxious while they are learning something new (which happens almost every minute at this stage in the game)… When I commit to something that I know is good/better than what my to do-list has on it, well everything just seems to gets done - but in a different way than I had figured it out.  Ahh, the Holy Spirit’s way is so much better than mine! 

I’m also realizing that this Eternal Gaze I’m talking about can get knocked right off track in just one heartbeat… An afternoon of an unhappy baby, a husband running late, bickering over a simple toy, a beeper screaming to me  about dinner… it all can pile on so fast that the pressure can so easily just overflow into tears of reliquished resolve or a screaming blowout. 

I forget to have the ”peace that surpasses all understanding,”  stand guard. 

Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ”

I realized a while ago that this peace… it’s not a lay back and bask in the sun/Son sort of peace.  It’s a peace that stands at attention and is constantly aware because it is at guard.  I mean, we are living in a battlefield surrounded by the enemy here… 

And I suppose the only access to it, according to Philippians, is by prayer and petition.   It’s just a little hard to remember to stop and pray sometimes when I’m setting down a screaming baby to  rush my two-year old to the bathroom to deal with poopy pants and holler at my three-year old that he knows better than to touch that thing on the counter…  Sigh. 

 Thanks be to God that I can do all things through Him!  So my prayer today is that during those times, the Holy Spirit that I know is living in me, will prompt me to pray!  That I may petition the Lord in those moments and accesses that sweet, sweet peace…  Because now I have tasted the deliciousness of my crazy life with Eternal perspective…I never want to go back.

I’m really quiet exhausted.  Life has just been…happening.  Fast, yet somehow very slow… It seems as if I’m seeing through heavy eyelids, moving in slow motion through these days of  young clamoring boys and keeping up with everyday chores.

1 Peter 4:19 says  ” So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”

Although I wouldn’t dare to call going through my blessed daily life “suffering,” I know I am in God’s will and will continue to joyfully press on!

This morning Oswald Chambers in “My Utmost for His Highest” encouraged me with these words:

“Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power.”

Alrighty Lord!  Come on in!  Manifest!

Oh, if I could be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess.5:23)

To make it my ambition to lead a quite life, to mind my own business and to work with my hands, just as scripture says, so that my daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that I will not be dependent on anybody…( 1 Thes. 4:11-12)

To be able to pray without ceasing; to be reverent in the way I live, not to be a slanderer, or addicted to much of anything, but to teach what is good.  That I may be able to teach by example what is good.  That I may love my husband and children, to be self-controlled and pure, busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to my husband, that I would not malign the Word of God.  (1Titus 2:3-5)

I know all these things are possible through fellowship with the Holy Spirit.  If I could just keep things simple in my mind.  It seems as if I complicate things way to much as  I contemplate how I feel and base my actions on that versus the truth about any given circumstance that arises during the day.   If the truth of God could be  my center through all my words and actions… 

Oh, and there I go again with the “if only.”  Well, let me remedy that by saying that I am going to be striving to have the sweet fellowship of the Trinity as I go throughout today, tomorrow and all of tomorrows tomorrows. 

Practically here are some steps that I am going to take:

- Get into Scripture daily – write some on my fridge, on the banner on my cell phone, on the blackboard in my kitchen, on my mirror in my bathroom…

- I will say a word of thanks for the many, many blessings I have when the twinge of desiring something I don’t have comes over me.

 - I will continue to keep the television off during the days unless it is a designated “tv” time so that my ears are only hear the music I play, the sound of my kids, or the voices of friends throughout my home.

-I will hesitate before I speak to my children so that I my voice will be sure to be filled with the type of love that they need at any given moment. 

All right, I know there are so many more things that I can do in order to be all that God has called me to, but right now, today, I’m going to focus on those four things.

 So friend, is constant fellowship something you strive for, or have attained?  If so, what actions during your day do you do, or can you do to accomplish it?  I’d love to hear what they are if you care to comment, please, share any insight you have!

“Every time you venture out in the life of faith, you will find something in your common-sense circumstance that flatly contradicts your faith.  Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense; they stand in the relation of the natural and the spiritual.  Can you trust Jesus Christ where your common sense cannot trust Him?  Can you venture heroically on Jesus Christ’s statements when the facts of your common -sense life shout- “It’s a lie?”  On the mount it is easy to say- “Oh yes, I believe God can do it”; but you have to come down into the demon-posessed valley and meet with the facts that laugh ironically at the whole of your mount-of-transfiguration belief.  Every time my programme of belief is clear to my own mind, I come across something that contradicts it.  Let me say I believe God will supply all my need, and then let me run dry, with no outlook, and see whether I will go through the trial of faith, or whether I will sink back to something lower.”

Oh, he wrote a whole nother paragraph, but I’ll leave that be for now.

I once took one of those “Spiritual Gifts Tests” to see what my spiritual gifts were.  It was fun to see what the results showed.  My highest score was in the gift of faith. I have been known to step out onto that ledge of faith that is so against common sense- and I have been smirked at and judged.  On many a test of faith I have gone and seemingly past… but it seems as if my God is not content in seeing me pass just those.  He continually presents more tests to strech me and show that I do indeed place my faith in Him. 

One of those tests now is residing inside of me and looms a presentation date of December 28 2010.  A third kiddo in 4 years.  Ya, I will have under my care a newly turned 3 year-old, a about to be two-year old and a newborn. 

Now, I realize that this baby is a whole lot more than just a test of my faith… but I know God is asking me to trust Him, I know He is giving me more than I can handle because He wants to make sure that He is at the center and that He is my source of strength.  As a mother in this position, to be effective and positive- there is no where else to turn. 

I realize how crazy it is to most people when they look over at me pregnant with two toddler boys that I am doing my best to contain in public places.  I realize that those knowing that we are living on one mediocre income may take a deep breath and hope we are not part of our nations political and economic problem. 

 And you know what?  My faith totally waivers.  I know that some of their thoughts and comments are completely justified.  That there is plenty of truth to there unapproving eyes and ears.  Those comments of “better you than me!” or “you’re crazy,” or “how in the world are you going to do that?” - well, they have an effect on my confidence.  I know that I’m overwhelmed a good part of the time with my two demanding toddlers as of now.  That another one is going to be incredibly hard for me.  I realize that I am so unqualified and unworthy and unequipped for what I am taking on. 

What I can take comfort in is knowing that I have my partner in life right beside me, rooting me on and supporting me in every way he can.  Knowing that he is in this with me makes all the difference in the world. 

I take comfort in knowing that I am in my Fathers hands.  That my God has called me to be a mother, that he has told me to bear children and to train them, that he has promised that children are a blessing and that I can trust Him- I can know I am being obedient in this area.  I know  I can take my God at His Word.  That He will provide, that He will be my strength- that I can do all things through Him.

  And so, I will confidently go forth and pray that when I  have to come down into the demon-posessed valley and meet with the facts that laugh ironically at the whole of (my) mount-of-transfiguration belief I will stand firm in my faith that my God is with me and can do this parenting thing through me and do it well!  I will know that I am exactly where my Lord wants me to be, that I am following my calling and my ultimate reward will be so much better than playing it safe here in this life. 

Playing it safe and common sense like in this life-time would be boring, unchallenging, and not nearly as rewarding.  I love knowing that our family will be close knit, that my children will get to grow up together and get to do life together.  It’s comforting to know that that warm blessing of children laughing and that sweet sweet fellowship of family will live in my house for a long time.  And even though the hardships of training children will be overwhelming at times, the sweet feeling of accomlishment and satisfaction of watching my child make a good choice and become a quality person will be more than worth the blood, sweat, and tears.   

I will look forward to my heavenly reward as I run this grueling race through the valley and keep my eyes on the prize!

This verse strikes a fear in me.  Could I possibly pray that and mean it?  I know that the Lord will judge me- He is the ultimate judge and I will by no doubt need to come face to face with my maker and be held accountable for who I am and what I’ve done.  FEAR.  It strikes a whole lot of fear in me.  Which is a good thing I’m realizing, because I sure haven’t been acting really fearful of my God lately. 

Yes, I pray for wisdom.  But fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  So I am thankful that the Spirit brought this Psalm to me this morning.  I wonder how many times in just this last week I have ignored the prompting of the Holy Spirit, or justified a small indescretion.  What am I doing when no one is looking?  How in tact is that integrity of my mind?… 

It seems to me that it all comes down to time and money in this stage of my life.  How am I spending my time? How am I spending my money?  These things that the Lord has so graciously bestowed upon me in order that I may bring him glory through it all… 

I by no means would call my self “violent and wicked,” but there is something to be said about the wickedness of using God’s resources for my own means.  Spending time watching a tv program supporting nothing of his goodness (only promoting violence), purchasing something because it makes me feel better about my trendyness… 

Why not do as I am called and be efficiant and effective with my time, and instead of buying things for my own glory, use the funds to provide for the needs of my family or even the community.  (Just to clarify, I don’t believe it is always a sin to buy something for oneself, or to sit and enjoy some entertainment- but giving a little thought and prayer to each of those actions could be the difference between a sinful act and a blessed gift.)

Well, here’s what I’m pondering on this morning- hoping it may inspire some pondering on your part too, and maybe even strike a converstation. 

This is the third or fouth post I’ve started since my last, but the first I’ve actually finished.  (Here’s to keeping it short!)  There are just to many distractions and other priorities in my life right now!  Hopefully things will slow down enough to allow a little more blog time soon. 

Blessings to you in this day!  

“I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;  I will tell of all your wonders.  I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.”  Psalm 8:1-2

The celebration of this great country’s independence brings with it a such a sense of unity and celebration. 

When I think of the fourth an almost childhood sense of thrill comes over me.  I can hear the sounds of people talking loudly and laughing outside while squinting in the bright July sun. I can almost feel the heat and smell the barbeque.  I recall the contentment I always have on the 4th fellowshiping with people I really enjoy, kicking back relaxing, and eating way to much.

All of this because God has blessed me with living in this time, in this great place called the United States of America.

I wanted to share a little about this particular 4th of July because it really has been one of most fabulous I’ve experienced yet. 

Last night we  went to see a fireworks show in a nearby town.  We got there in time to set up a picnic blanket with another family that we’re good friends with, we broke out the snacks and waited for the darkness to fall…  All the while creating the most of the experience by building up the anticipation for the boys.  Once the show started, Cooper got so super excited and called out the colors in each firework.  The younger, Tyler was a bit startled and fussed a lot clinging on to mom for dear life!  But after a few big bangs, while he was safe in my arms he relaxed, and fully took in the magic of the moment.  And so did I. 

I was sitting there on this beautiful July evening, with the love of my life by my side. My little boys sweet arms wrapped around me, his body fully yielded into mine, my back leaning into my incredible other half, our two-year old voicing his amazement at what he was witnessing as he sat (ok sometimes he stood overcome with excitement) in his Daddy’s lap.  He constantly looked over and up at us making sure we were seeing what he was.  It was one of those eternal moments…. those moments that you feel so much joy and contentment.  So much gratitude for what you have, for the amazing blessings in your life.  Experiencing family at its fullest, how God created it to be.  It was unity at it’s best.  A moment that give you a glimpse of what eternity may look like.  Peace, unity, amazement, joy…

And that was just the beginning of the great weekend…

I pray that I never stop appreciating the blessings of our country and our time- no matter how many things may be wrong in this country, there is still plenty to be thankful for!

Sooo, hopefully there are some of you out there who can relate or know a pregnant woman who might have the same issues.  If  there are other symptoms you’ve experienced or witnessed and would like to add,  please do in the comment section!  It’s always good to know that I’m not alone in my weaknesses!

So now, somewhere between 5:45 and 6:15 I usually find a bright-eyed, binky sucking, blanket dragging little boy at my bedside.  So I lug him over to lay between my husband and I.  (I say lug because he really is a brute of a boy! a.k.a. chubbers) 

Now, most 16 month olds are bright-eyed when they wake, they roll around, and talk and sing in their enclosed crib area… so it’s not abnormal for my little one to want to do that… but now he does it in my bed.  Early in the morning. 

So after I bring him into bed with me, I snuggle him under his blanket, and shut my eyes to go back to sleep.  I’ve found if I go back to sleep, it’s more likely he will too…but of course most of the times he doesn’t.  He grabs his feet and rocks back and forth between the hubs and me.  He kicks his feet to experience the bounce of the mattress (or the bounce of dads back, moms belly or hip or leg…sometimes arm or face…), he points out everything in the room that he knows how to say.  “Fan,” “Mommy,” “Daddy,” “phone,” “fan,” “light,” ” nose,” “ear,” “nose,” “fan.”  And every now and then he’ll throw out a serenade or two.  “Appy Birtda tooo ew” (Happy Birthday) or, “Eiego, Eigo, go go!”  (Go! Diego Go!) or “D-dora, hey! hey!” (Dora the Explorer theme song). 

Now I think you may be able to imagine being super sleepy and getting quite annoyed at such shenanigans going on in your bed while you’re trying to get that last bit of shut-eye before your day begins… but really, I can’t help but smile and chuckle at this innocent, joyful, bundle of… complete boy rolling around right next to me! 

Not too much later my two-year old comes running in after waking up and hollering “Mom!” a few times.  Ok, sometimes he doesn’t holler… it depends on what “side” of the bed he wakes up on.  But he always comes over to my side and crawls in with us. That doesn’t last to long… but it’s fun none the less… as long as they aren’t too rough that is!  It’s especially fun for me if they start bugging their dad and trying to wake him up.  ( It really does take a lot to wake that man up!)  But Tyler has taken to giving zerberts (a.k.a. raspberries) and so he’ll do a few on dad’s shoulder and think it’s hilarious!  And then of course Cooper, the older boy, wants to join in, and his laugh is a lot louder.  I crack up when he climbs on top of  his Dad and gets nose to nose with him and says “Dad, wake up!” 

So as much as I hate being woken up, I really do love the way it happens.  I’m treasuring this time in my life.  I am looking forward to the days when Dave and I can sleep in on his days off, and the boys will be able to get breakfast themselves… but for now I’m going to enjoy their little bodies wanting so much to be close to mine!

But it’s not just a Monday thing.  I mean, don’t you ever just wake up in the morning and think “here we go again…”   And there seems nothing exciting about life, in the day you’re about to live?  Reading that back I think it sounds so… dreary and depressing.   But it’s true.  That is exactly what I thought this morning when I woke, and it’s not uncommon for me to think such a thing. 

But then my mind immediately turned to a devotional I read last week that has been resonating with me.  I’ve been reading from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers lately.  It’s my go to book in those seasons of life that I don’t have much time or energy to spend in the Scriptures.  Just a few paragraphs a day, and a little bit of scripture and I’m inspired,  challenged in my spiritual walk. 

On the day dated June 15th Oswald Chambers talks about the “matter of drudgery.”  He says,

 ”We are not meant to be illuminated versions (of new life), but the common stuff of ordinary life exhibiting the marvel of the grace of God.  Drudgery is the touchstone of character.  The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do.  ‘Jesus took a towel…and began to wash the disciples feet.’

There are times when there is no illumination and no thrill, but just the daily round, the common task…

Do not expect God always to give you His thrilling minutes, but learn to live in the domain of drudgery by the power of God.”

What awesome truth in just few words.  God can make the drudgery of everyday life something magnificent if we allow him.  If I look to celebrate and worship Him as I bake those blueberry muffins, as I change the sheets my son peed on, as I tell my youngest not to whine.  In these things… in the drudgery of laundry and sweeping, of repremanding while enduring a headache, while cooking something that makes me want to hurl for my family(pregnancy has that effect) … the truth is, God can be glorified. 

The Holy Spirit living in me has given me the power to rise above the drudgery and live in the miraculous.  And it’s all about character.  About choosing Him, about being disciplined in my thoughts so that my actions and attitude follow suit.  Choosing not to let my circumstances define me. 

And then today Oswald Chambers tells me:

“Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete, and then bother no more about yourself, but begin to do as Jesus Christ said-pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men.  Pray on the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus, not on this plea-’O Lord, I have done my best, please hear me’

How long is it going to take God to free us from the morbid habit of thinking about ourselves.”

And as I conclude this post, on this blog, that is full of me thinking about myself, I will say a prayer.  I pray that  both you and I will be believe that our redemption is complete!  May we remember that Christ has won the battle of this drudgery in day-to-day life, we can live each moment in victory!

None of this talk about having a “case of the Mondays!”

My absence has been for many reasons, and of course the main one being pregnancy.  ( Although a visit from my Mother-in-law and a trip down South had something to do with it too.) 

If you’ve been around here long you’ve been with me through my burn outs, melt downs and miscarriage.  Now, since I’m planning on carrying this kid to term, you are guaranteed to see a whole new side of me.  I don’t do pregnant well.  Aaand after finding out I was pregnant and having a miscarriage in the same month and then discovering I’m pregnant again right afterwards, my hormones, thoughts and emotions have been on a bit of a roller coaster. 

Things are starting to get a bit better, but for a while there I was pretty laid up.  Exhausted and nauseous all the time. 

I’ve cursed Eve more than once this month for the fall of mankind making it that “women will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”  (1 Tim 2:15) 

 Really, I have to continue to be faithful and lovely and holy while being respectful and proper?  Cause when I feel so crummy the last thing I wanna do is faithfully make my husband a good lunch and dinner everyday and spend the energy to look nice and be welcoming to him (or really anyone for that matter).  And to get out of bed early or skip at nap at nap time to be faithful in reading God’s word and persue holiness… it’s just kinda not on that natural priority list. 

In my flesh, my priority list looks like this:

1.Make sure boys are fed and happy so I can sit and relax

2.Eat whatever possible to make my tummy feel better and find any form of caffeine I can stomach to give me a bit of energy to joyfully do that unavoidable stuff: like laundry, bathing the boys, interacting with people, and scrounging up some easy meals…

Ya… that’s about it.  There is nothing else on that list.

Ok, obviously I’m exaggerating.  Slightly.  But I think you get the picture.  My discipline has pretty much gone out the window, so all my organizing and budgeting has too.  This means now that I’m feeling a little more up to par I’ll need to get a plan together to cover my lack of… planning.  Which I’ll be happy to share with you, as soon as I get around to doing it.  

And as I seek to be a woman after God’s heart, and to glorify Christ I’ll be striving to be:

~Joyfully faithful: in performing my homemaking duties (i.e. cleaning, cooking, stocking, accounting), teaching and training my children, and of course blogging!

~Loving: to speak lovingly to my immediate family despite any grumpiness that I may be feeling, lovingly serve my friends and extended family, and be genuine and compassionate with my husband. 

~Holy: to be above reproach in all my actions and words, honoring Christ and seeking glory just for him and not for myself. (ahem… this may be the hardest one for me…)  To faithfully seek Him in His Word and in prayer throughout the hours in my days.

~With Propriety: I’ll put effort into looking nice for my husband (no, not all made up all the time…but you know, teeth brushed, face fresh, hair at least combed or something…), I will strive to not complain (this will be a kicker for me!  I love to whine…), and will extend an effort to be genuine and caring to everyone I come across.

A good number of those things come naturally when I’m feeling well and not with child…but this next year will be quite difficult.  (I count the first three months of the newborness, sanity doesn’t return to me before then.)  I’m sure most of my posts will be about my struggle to deny my natural urges and aim for those goals I listed above. 

Who knows, maybe the difficulty of this pregnancy will disappear within this first trimester.  My second pregnancy was much easier than my first, maybe the third will follow suit once these hormones get themselves figured out a little more.  But I also have a bit more on my plate this time around…

Any input, encouragement, prayer or advice you have would be most appreciated! 

It’s good to be back.